Faith is officially enrolled in MDO. She starts a week from tomorrow. And I know it was one of my resolutions. I know she needs to have more friends than her grandparents and a dog. I know, I know.
I also know I have cried everyday since we enrolled her. I'm just having a really hard time with it. It's like the end of an era, the beginning of a new unknown era. (Like when she moved to her new bed.) A few (million) questions are running through my head:
1. What do you pack in a lunch for a 2-year-old?
2. What if they can't understand what she is saying?
3. What if she gets put in timeout? She doesn't even know what timeout is.
4. What if she just cries the whole time and no one consoles her?
5. What about nap? They take nap there after lunch and she doesn't even lay down for nap until 2:00.
6. Who are these people anyway?
7. What are there professional backgrounds?
8. Its inevitable that she's going to have an adjustment period, but what if all the friendships are established and she doesn't have a friend?
9. Who is going to know what she's talking bout when she asks for her cozy?
10. What if she just HATES it?
I can't help but just BAWL about it. These are the times when I wish our church was more traditional. That she had a Sunday School class and a teacher and gazillion little friends she's known since birth. These are also the times I feel like crap for choosing to work. I can only take her the first time she goes (I am taking off) then after that she's being dropped off by TJ and my mom. I won't even get to know the teachers at all. I'll be like the mom that just sends snack and no one even really knows what she looks like. I don't want to be that mom.
We've been trying to let Faith know she's going to get to go to school soon and all she does is say "I don't wanna go gool." KILL. ME. Seriously, you might at well just shoot me through the heart. I'm going to try to muster everything I know about early child development that morning. Let her know what's going to happen. Walk in. Establish routine. Give kisses. And leave. LEAVE. Leave my baby with a complete and total stranger. Not hang around and make it worse for her. Not hang around to make me feel better about the whole situation. Do what's best for Sis. Because I'm definitely not doing this for me. (If it was what I WANTED we would both be in our PJs every day together singing showtunes and eating s'mores.) It's for her social development. Her communicative development. Her cognitive development. And her autonomy. But I know when I get there I'm going to feel the burning in my nose. The stinging in my eyes. And I'm going to want to throw every theory of education I cling to out the window and hold my baby. But I can't.
Pray for me a week from tomorrow. I just might die right outside the MDO. If I do, prop me up beside the big toy.