Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Res Check

So here's the latest resolution check.  Even though it's not a bunch of huge success stories, it's progress and that's better than nothing. 

2- 2 goals for the year
1. Be thankful.  Yes. 
2. Be as healthy as I used to be and love it as much as I used to.  Working on it.  Making progress.  Imperfect progression. 
3. Be organized in most facets of my life.  I've already been organizing my classroom for next year.  The house works for us for now. Except the playroom, which is the bane of my existence. Can I get an amen?  Why do we even have them?  Of course, its disgusting we've become a people who spend stuff on crap no one even plays with, dedicate a room to hold it all, then complain about it.  Sweet Baby Jesus. 
4. Be more adventurous.  Be more fun.  Working on it. TJ would say I get a big F.  I would say maybe a C-. 

0- 1 think I want to stop doing
1. Stop spending unwisely.  Working on it. 

1- 1 place to visit
1. Beaver's Bend- Done and done. Post to come. 

3- 3 things I want to learn
1. Learn how to REALLY study the Bible.  Working on it. 
2. Learn to knit or crochet.  Not now. Or ever. A more attainable goal would be go to the restroom without visitors. 
3. Learn to drive a standard. TJ better teach me.  Or I'll take his Mustang and learn myself. 
4. Learn to play the guitar better. Had to go. 

Friday, June 21, 2013

Setting the Bar

Well, its two weeks after Father's Day and I'm just getting to a Father's Day post.

Y'all know I adore TJ.  And y'all know he's totally worth the hype.  I don't know one person that doesn't just love the guy.  Well, maybe a couple, but they're obviously on meth or something...

I  knew he was an amazing match for me, but I wasn't quite prepared for the absolute perfection that he is as a father.  I don't know that I ever even dreamed in my head what it would be like when we brought that little 6 pound bundle of pink home from the hospital, but he has surpassed any expectation or idea that I had or didn't know to have.

With Faith, he was the one that was automatically comfortable in his parent skin.  He just instinctively knew what to do.  And that worked out fantastically because all I could do was crawl out of bed, bawl like a baby and second guess every decision I made.  Even when we were both at a loss, he calmly walked us through every decision.  I remember one time Faith was so sick and TJ was at the fire station and I called him and told him I was taking her to the ER.  He changed out of his uniform and beat me to the hospital from the city.  He just held her and rocked her and loved on her the entire time and she was immediately calm.  And after he made everything better, he kissed us goodbye and went back to the station to work.  He is the one that gets to stay with her during the day when she's sick.  He is the one she calls out to in the night when she has bad dreams.  He's the best swing pusher, kite flyer, trampoline jumper, and pillow fighter.  He also can get her hair into the best side pony I've seen.

When I think about Faith, I think one day she is going to like boys.  Then guys.  Then men.  And I freak out a little.  Then I breathe in a bag and remember that her daddy has taught her well.  And that every guy she dates is going to be set on an invisible scale and that her daddy is going to be the one they're measured up against.  A daddy who loves God and loves her like God does.  A daddy who has many, many guns that he can shoot very precisely from long distances.  

And then there's our little Si Guy.  TJ says that from the minute he was born, it feels different to be a dad to a boy.  I don't see that.  He is just as amazing with Silas, but in different ways.  Just the other day he had worked a shift at the station, then came home exhausted to me leaving for work. Silas wasn't feeling so great and we were about to go out of town so he called the doctor and made and appointment to double check to make sure he was just teething. Turns out- not so much.  He was sick.  TJ got everything we needed to make sure our trip would be okay and that Silas would feel better.  And even though he was still sick, when I got home, our little guy had a smile on his face in his daddy's arms.  (Not to mention, that when I got home, he took Faith outside to play, fixed her broken kite and flew it with her for an hour. He's just awesome like that.)

Oh, Si Bear.  He's learning from one of the greatest of all time.  And I don't expect  Silas to grow up and be a carbon copy of TJ.  I expect him to be Silas, rooted in what was most important in life (with a healthy affection for Ford Mustangs.)  Ya know, the father of the prodigal son had two sons.  The son who stayed home made the right decision every time he was presented with a choice.  He worked hard for his daddy, probably stayed up talking with him and had an amazing relationship with him.  Then there was the son who wanted to take what his dad had worked hard for and leave.  Take life by the horns.  Find his own way. Create his own path.  But at the end of the day, they both knew what their daddy stood for and that he loved them with an everlasting love.  And so I'm confident that whether Silas is just like his daddy or not, he will know he loves him just like Jesus loves him and be rooted in that.

So that's what its like around here on Father's Day.  Basically fatherly perfection bottled in a tall, tan, and camo- clad body.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Be still

A woman of few words, I am not.  I will never be labeled as quiet, subdued, meek, or mild.   It’s hard for me to stop and breathe and think.  Partially because that’s just how I am and partially because it gives me time to think about what’s most important and my shortcomings.   And honestly I keep myself busy under the guise of the first so that I can get through my day without having to do the second.  It’s much easier during the school year because I am slammed every minute I’m awake, but the summer always gets me.
Today has been a typical day in the Aragon life.  TJ’s at work and I’m flying solo with the kids.  (Yes, we have two. And yes, I’m fully aware I’ve said little about the smallest. Maybe if I blogged more than once a month…)  I’ve been a whirling dervish, spinning around the house just “needing to get things done.”  I’ve cooked and cleaned and folded and typed and now it’s late at night and I’ve got nothing to show for it except remorse for the day.  Did I spend enough time with Faith?  Did I make Silas wait to long to pick him up when he was screaming at me with his pterodactyl yell?  Was I too stern with Faith this evening even though she needed to learn the lesson?  When I was laying Si down for bed I felt like I hadn’t loved on him enough today…  Then the real question come through- Did I spend time with Jesus today?  Did I wait to long to attend to His voice?  Did I ignore His signs, His words, His actions today? 

Be still and know that I am God.

And I sit down to dive into the Word and I immediately want someone to teach me instead of reading Jesus’ teachings.  There must be a youtube sermon or an app devotion or mother’s devotion blog.  I mean, I need to fill this quiet space with noise, words, Ann Voskamp’s background music and photography.
I spend my entire alone time trying to download something ridiculous to my Kindle and then Faith’s wake and Silas is crying in his crib and I’m still here- empty-souled and full of noise.

Be still and know that I am God. 

And I feel like I am an Israelite, walking around in the desert on my accord, praying for God to meet my needs then complaining about the heavenly bread.  We talk about them and how stupid they were, but I’ve been here for what feels like 40 years and the Promised Land isn’t the church of my dreams of the Bible Study that is going to lead me to be a better Christian/mom/wife.  It’s the actual Bible, but I won’t pick it up and eat it.  Devour it.  I won’t drink the water from the Rock, yet I complain that I’m parched.

Be still and know that I am God.

I know these are the things God is revealing to me, in just the few minutes I’ve been still tonight and listened.  And I’m tired of the sand between my toes and in my lungs and on my face.  And I just need to be still.