Saturday, April 17, 2010

Jehovah Rapha

Growing up I loved that God had so many names.  Adonai, I Am, Holy Spirit, Jesus, Father, etc.  The list seemed endless.  And I guess it really is.  I remember Corrie (my bestie) singing this song at church that went through each book of the Bible and said who/what God was in that book of the Bible.  (Corrie, how in the h-e-double hockey sticks did you remember all those words, anyway?)  I knew many of the names of Jesus, but truthfully I had never focused on, studied, or even really cared much about what each name individually meant to me.  It was more of the overall awesomeness of God that I was awed by. 
Jehovah Rapha means "The God that Heals."  I know what you're thinking- what the heck does a little Baptist girl know about healing?  And I say this to you- I grew up in a church where only the sign was Baptist.  And I am SO thankful.  I never would have fit in in a Baptist church. I take that back.  I did NOT fit in in a Baptist church.  I never understood why people turned their noses up when I said I went to a Baptist church and only now do I understand why.  But that's neither here nor there.  I remember praying over people at church as a child and asking for healing for them.  I remember once when a man asked for healing for his lungs I felt so God so powerfully while we were praying I KNEW he had been healed.  And he was.  Seriously. I am not making it up.  Like went to the doctor, you're healed.  God is POWERFUL, guys.
Anyhoo, God has recently healed me.  And now his sweet name, Jehovah Rapha, means so much more to me than it ever has before.  I was sinking into an ugly place.  A dark, ugly place.  It happened slowly, but then again it came upon me so unexpectly I didn't even see it coming.  I hate to even say the word, but I was severely depressed.  I wouldn't go to the doctor because I knew they would put me on medication.  (If you take medication for depression, I'm not dissing you.  Its just not a choice for me.)  I was NOT fun to be around.  I drained every bit of happiness out of a room in 10 seconds flat.  I didn't really want to be around anyone, not even TJ or Faith honestly.  The enemy was attacking me with memories from my childhood, our youth ministry at 12 Corners, everything from 12 Corners, post partum depression, my shortcomings, a really rough school year, basically everything but the kitchen sink.  I couldn't combat him.  I prayed. NOTHING.  I read my Bible. NOTHING.  I had godly wonderful women pray for me and over me. NOTHING.  I don't know when it happened, but I gave up and gave into Satan.  I hurt because I felt so far from God and yet I lacked any desire to try to crawl near Him.  I had called out and He hadn't listened to me. 
But God is good.  And He WAS listening.  He put me in a group of friends who attach nothing to our friendship and seriously are trudging through this with me.  Each week I brought anger, detached conversation and they wouldn't relent with their love.  Their interceding prayers are probably countless.  I love them.  He gave me a husband whose patience outnumbers the sand in the ocean.  Who listens to me through sobs he probably can't even understand.  I love him.  And a beautiful daughter that God uses to lavish His love upon me.  She is irreplaceable and God gave her to us in His perfect timing.  
Guys, God healed me. Like really quickly.  I always thought depression was something you HAD to walk through forever then eventually you would get over it, but God healed me within a few months.  And I am so elated.  I want to share how good He is.  He is Jehovah Rapha, the God who heals, who heals even me. 

Saturday, April 10, 2010

RESOLUTION CHECK- I'm nervous about this one.

Guys, I need to go to RA.  You know, Resolutors Anonymous?  I've done a poor job this month, but there are 8 more months to catch up with the goals that seem to have fallen by the wayside.  The way I see it, a little improvement in seveal areas is better than... ahhh, who cares about the way I see it.

1. Invite someone over to the house, at least once a month. Does is count if my mom and dad ordered takeout from Tarahumara's and ate here?  Cause that's all I got.  By the way, that's like the best deal ever.  You get enough chips, salsa, and queso to  last the week in leftovers AND the food is ready so fast.  I live 20 minutes from there and it was still piping hot and wonderful when we got it back home. 

2. Start playing guitar again. My good friend Brandi called me out and now I'm playing something for our school's Teacher Talent Show.  Honestly, I'm having a hard time finding something to play.  Partially because I'm used to playing worship and partially because I know so few chords its almost impossible to play anything else.  I'm working up a little somethin, somethin.

3. Lose weight. Dont. even. go. there.

4. Start a blog. Check.

5. Get a camera that doesn't make me cuss everytime I pick it up. Nope.  I borrowed my sister's for Easter.

6. Complete lesson plans weekly. Sure I do.  Still in my head and scattered piles around my classroom.  By the way, 35 more days of school.  Just in case you were counting.  I know you're the type that likes to be informed about these sorts of things.

7. Grow a garden. The garden is plowed up and we're planting soon.  We're behind on our planting schedule, but I don't feel so bad since we had that little bit of frost last week.  Any suggestions for things to grow?  We're for sure doing tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, jalapenos, bell peppers.  Maybe some potatoes, okra, squash.  I'm really excited about the prospect of making pickles.  My mom's long time friend Brenda makes the best pickles I have EVER had in my life.  And I feel it is my lifelong destiny to impart those pickles to the world.  Guys, they're so dang good that if all of Congress ate those pickles they could have solved the healthcare crisis peacefully.

8. Be consistent with getting my hair did. Its time to make another appointment.  I'm going to stick to this one. Maybe.

9. More water, less Happy Hour DDP. I still drink equal amounts water and DDP, but I'm drinking so much soda that by the time I drink equal amounts water I can actually hear myself sloshing.  And I wake up to use the restroom so many times in the middle of the night its ridiculous.  Nice mental image, huh?  The sloshing.  And the peeing.  Its definitely a good resolution gone bad. 

10. Decorate our bedroom. Let's just say that this one needs to head into overdrive... and FAST.  TJ's grandparents are coming sometime this month and I do not want my bedroom to be in the condition it is right now.  Dang you, Uncle Sam.  If only I hadn't had to pay in to taxes this year.  If you don't know, I'm shaking my first right now and scowling.  Scowling bigtime.
So that's it.  Judge me if you will. 

Thursday, April 1, 2010

That Was Then

This was the day I graduated from OU.  2005.  Right?  I think so, I'm not sure what year it was now that I think about it.  I think we look pretty dang good.  New beginnings, new jobs, new car, new excitements.

This was yesterday.  2010.  I know that's the right year.  What has changed?  Well, TJ has new Oakley's, I have new chins, and we have a new sunglasses wearing friend in a big kid carseat.  In the same car.

Honestly, some days I think about the first picture and long for it.  A time when sleeping in meant waking up when I wanted to wake up, not sleeping until 7am.  I think about a time when fixing my hair meant more than brushing it dry on the way to work in the morning.  I think I have on lip gloss in the first picture, now I don't even own lip gloss.  Will I ever get to enjoy eating a meal and not get a fork or cup thrown at me or over the high chair eighty-seven jillionty times?  Who knows? 
I DO know the second picture makes me smile more.  Mostly because Faith's glasses are a smidge crooked from carrying them around for a year.  Also because I get to scroll through the ten pictures I took to get this one and laugh at how hilarious our faces look.  And because our life now is fuller than its ever been.  If I had to choose, I choose door #2.  I can't wait to see what happens next.