Saturday, April 17, 2010

Jehovah Rapha

Growing up I loved that God had so many names.  Adonai, I Am, Holy Spirit, Jesus, Father, etc.  The list seemed endless.  And I guess it really is.  I remember Corrie (my bestie) singing this song at church that went through each book of the Bible and said who/what God was in that book of the Bible.  (Corrie, how in the h-e-double hockey sticks did you remember all those words, anyway?)  I knew many of the names of Jesus, but truthfully I had never focused on, studied, or even really cared much about what each name individually meant to me.  It was more of the overall awesomeness of God that I was awed by. 
Jehovah Rapha means "The God that Heals."  I know what you're thinking- what the heck does a little Baptist girl know about healing?  And I say this to you- I grew up in a church where only the sign was Baptist.  And I am SO thankful.  I never would have fit in in a Baptist church. I take that back.  I did NOT fit in in a Baptist church.  I never understood why people turned their noses up when I said I went to a Baptist church and only now do I understand why.  But that's neither here nor there.  I remember praying over people at church as a child and asking for healing for them.  I remember once when a man asked for healing for his lungs I felt so God so powerfully while we were praying I KNEW he had been healed.  And he was.  Seriously. I am not making it up.  Like went to the doctor, you're healed.  God is POWERFUL, guys.
Anyhoo, God has recently healed me.  And now his sweet name, Jehovah Rapha, means so much more to me than it ever has before.  I was sinking into an ugly place.  A dark, ugly place.  It happened slowly, but then again it came upon me so unexpectly I didn't even see it coming.  I hate to even say the word, but I was severely depressed.  I wouldn't go to the doctor because I knew they would put me on medication.  (If you take medication for depression, I'm not dissing you.  Its just not a choice for me.)  I was NOT fun to be around.  I drained every bit of happiness out of a room in 10 seconds flat.  I didn't really want to be around anyone, not even TJ or Faith honestly.  The enemy was attacking me with memories from my childhood, our youth ministry at 12 Corners, everything from 12 Corners, post partum depression, my shortcomings, a really rough school year, basically everything but the kitchen sink.  I couldn't combat him.  I prayed. NOTHING.  I read my Bible. NOTHING.  I had godly wonderful women pray for me and over me. NOTHING.  I don't know when it happened, but I gave up and gave into Satan.  I hurt because I felt so far from God and yet I lacked any desire to try to crawl near Him.  I had called out and He hadn't listened to me. 
But God is good.  And He WAS listening.  He put me in a group of friends who attach nothing to our friendship and seriously are trudging through this with me.  Each week I brought anger, detached conversation and they wouldn't relent with their love.  Their interceding prayers are probably countless.  I love them.  He gave me a husband whose patience outnumbers the sand in the ocean.  Who listens to me through sobs he probably can't even understand.  I love him.  And a beautiful daughter that God uses to lavish His love upon me.  She is irreplaceable and God gave her to us in His perfect timing.  
Guys, God healed me. Like really quickly.  I always thought depression was something you HAD to walk through forever then eventually you would get over it, but God healed me within a few months.  And I am so elated.  I want to share how good He is.  He is Jehovah Rapha, the God who heals, who heals even me. 

1 comment:

  1. I am so glad for you! I went through the exact same thing after Brian was born and I can relate. Please call me (4877000) anytime you need to talk. I love you and am always here for you even if we don't see each other that much. Jess


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