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It's no secret here that I've been
*I've worked hard to see the beauty in everyday.
*To mentally list how blessed I am and to give God the glory for that as opposed to directing our blessings back to us and our hard work.
*To Decrease the negative things I put into my life and increasing the good.
* To use the gifts God's given me instead of continuing to let them shrivel.
*To change my negative body image and seeing myself as successful and healthy.
Those things have not been easy and they've taken a lot of uncomfortable introspection. There's nothing quite like looking at yourself and seeing a LONG unchecked to-do list. But over time, I've been able to check some off and move some to the "work in progress" list.
But the one area where I cannot seem to shake the negativities is in my workplace. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job and I am thankful that working means making a difference in children's future. But I get bogged down in the "have tos" and the mandates and the non-negotiables. And I work with 50 women so there's always some sort of gossip I pull myself in to. Honestly, when I reflect on the days sometimes I'm positively disgusted with myself. I can see clearly when I chose darkness over light and it makes me frustrated with myself for not choosing the right over the wrong. I am overtly christian and overtly negative. Which equals overtly hypocritical and annoying, if you're not familiar with that equation.
But this week I saw a small light at the end of the tunnel. I was on recess duty with a co-worker and she told me she looked forward to our duty days together. Then she said--wait for it-- that it was because I always look at the positive and have good things to say. I started laughing (not even making that up) because I thought she was being sarcastic. But. she. wasn't.
Please know this is in NO WAY horn-tooting. I'm just saying that God can make flowers grow out of cow patties. I'm living proof. And I think God is the best at taking our small sacrifices and work and turning it into greater good. And I'm eternally thankful for his goodness and his willingness to change me. He's never once looked at me in disgust and told me he's over trying with me. And He knows I've needed it. But He just continues to mold me into small likenesses of Him. He makes beautiful things out of us.