Sunday, May 5, 2013

Constant Reminder

This photobooth picture hangs on our fridge.  I see it every day of my life.  Get milk in the morning, there it is.  Get ice one zillion times a day, there we are. Dinner, there it is.  After Faith goes to sleep and we sneak out the good snacks and drinks, there it is again.  It makes me happy because I love Faith's face and how little she looks. The second picture where she's holding her hand out like What is going on with my crazy parents? kills me every time.  TJ is obviously smokin' hot and holy hunky arms batman and when I see it I can smell his cologne.  It reminds me of spending sweet time with my best friends and seeing one of my favorite people get married.

What you guys can't see that I can is that this was one of the most trying days in TJ and my's life.  It was the day I had my D & C after the miscarriage.  You can't see that when I saw my best friends I just wanted to collapse in their arms, but I couldn't.  That I was doped up on pain meds and thought many a times about going and drinking a whole bottle of wine swig by swig while singing loudly into a microphone. (I kid, I kid. Wine is nasty.)

This picture makes me horribly sad, but it also makes me happy. It reminds me that no matter how bad the day, God is good and he has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams.  It reminds me that there was a time that I truly believed my heart would never heal and here I am, with no bandaids or anything.  It reminds me that at points in that low time I thought God would never give us a baby and now we have Silas and he is heavenly.  

It is mostly a reminder to me that we never know what others are going through.  People can easily mask their pain and no one would ever know.  Even my best friend of all time had no idea that night that anything was going on with me.   We don't know the battles people face and that choosing to pour out love and kindess might mean nothing to them and it might mean everything to them.

I love how God brought me out of such a hard place and is teaching me even when I was shaking my fist at Him the whole time. Goodness gracious, I'm so small and He is so big.  His ways aren't my ways, for sure, but they're so much better than mine.

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