Thursday, June 28, 2012

She Gets That From Me

We had a great day planned.  We both got our hair done and then were off to Chick-Fil-A and the splash pad.  When we pulled up to the drive thru Faith saw a little girl with a cute little sun dress on.  I should back up a minute and say that lately Faith is obsessed with dresses and getting to pick hers out and wearing the EXACT one she wants when she wants.  So anyway, when Faith saw the girl she commented, "Look moma.  That girl has such a cute dress on."  I glanced that way,  agreed with her, and thought nothing more of it.  Then I hear a sad, quiet voice from the back seat say, "And I look ridiculous."  At first I thought I misunderstood what she said so I asked her to repeat herself.  So she said it again.  "I look ridiculous."  Then I thought she must not know what that means, but when I asked here she said, "Mom, it means silly.  I don't like this dress anymore."  
I. was. crushed.  How can my beautiful three year old already feel like she doesn't measure up?  How can she feel like someone else is more beautiful than she is?  I stopped the car in the drive thru, much to the chagrin of the ten cars behind me, and looked her straight in the eyes.  "Faith, you do not look ridiculous. You look beautiful.  You ARE beautiful."  It stuck with me all day. And I cried when I was telling TJ that our little firecracker of a daughter didn't think SHE was enough.  
Then today I was getting ready to go eat lunch with friends and was having a hell of time trying to dress this pregnant body of mine.  Faith kept coming in telling me I looked pretty and as soon as she would leave I would spout off self criticism and change into outfit #788290.  I was so disgusted with myself and how ridiculous I looked.  Wait. Did you catch it?  I felt ridiculous.  I said out loud that I wasn't enough.  I DID THAT. SHE GETS THAT FROM ME.  Talk about a kick in the teeth.  
So to all the moms out there (all three of you that read my blog): let's just give ourselves a break.  And by doing that, give ourselves and our daughters the freedom to be imperfect, human women with differences that don't equal flaws, but differences that equal individuality.  

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