Babies Having Babies

It's officially an end of an era.  The last of the trio that is Amanda/Corrie/Emily had her baby shower last night.  Let me just tell you, it was a tad emotional for ol' Amanda.  Corrie and I sat in the back teary-eyed as Emily opened her presents, almost in disbelief that we are old enough to have families and lives.  The word that kept coming into my mind was momentous- a moment of great consequence.  Emily unwrapping onesies while Corrie's little one crawls around, Faith tears around the corner, and Corrie's oldest tells me about kindergarten.  It is the end of an era, but the beginning of an extraordinary one.  Let's go back in time a little...

[Dream sequence begins]

Emily and I were friends at the church where we grew up.  Corrie and Emily were friends at their school.  Somehow in an amazing act of God we all met up at Emily's birthday party where I tricked Corrie into thinking my name was Jolene for the majority of the night.  Corrie's family decided to try another church (they went to a nearby church) and came to ours and we've all been friends ever since.  I remember a very distinctive night when I knew we'd all be friends eternally when Corrie told us about her cows humping in the front pasture when her bus dropped her off one afternoon.  (Her storytelling captivated me, what can I say?)  We have been through thick, thin, college, break ups, deaths of friends, arguments, good choices, HORRIBLE choices, countless tennis games, bike wrecks, camping trips, and scars together.  And we still are friends.  We live apart and can converge and take control of any restaurant, bar, or dive in a matter of minutes.  They make me feel at home instantly.  I don't feel comfortable with really any friends but them.  They are THE BEST. 

So, back to last night.  And babies having babies.  We're actually not babies.  All in our mid to late twenties, a completely acceptable age to have families and yet, I was still so surprised.  I still want to think of us giggling at church camp during the service, going to Pizza Hut after church almost every Sunday night and imagining us re-doing the "Sin Wagon" video in Corrie's little silver car.  (I would still like to do that though.)  Change is really hard for me, so I've always been a little sad that those aren't still our present days, but memories.  But I'm learning to embrace where we all are instead of pining away for days gone by.  We are all in amazing places, places God intentionally put us in at this particular time.  So I guess we're all in momentous times, and getting to share in them with each other makes me just about the happiest girl in the world. 

40 Weight

There's this song called "40 Weight" by The Violet Burning. It echoes Lord, my cup is empty. Won't you come down and fill me up. If I wasn't in a house where I am the only one awake I would scream this right now. I feel like my low fuel light has been on for miles and I'm hoping I'll make it to the gas station before I end up on the side of the road. I can't pinpoint one specific, huge thing; I can pinpoint at least 5 specific, huge things. Its odd because I've been spending more time with Father than usual so you would think I would be full to the brim. And what's beyond understandable to me is that if you asked me last week how I was feeling I would have said I'm in an extreme season of joy. I just can't seem to shake the feeling of overwhelm-ment. I feel like I need to hire a cheerleader to walk behind me and encourage me all day. Sick- the flesh speaking in that is ugly. And what an unrealistic expectation for me to have about my day. That I can only be joyful if someone is encouraging my every move. Yuck, yuck, yuck.


Today was so eye opening to me. I ate a donut for breakfast. I haven't had a donut for breakfast in forever. I just didn't care this morning. I wanted the ding dang donut and I was going to have it come hell or high water. Work was hard. I've had a difficult time connecting basic ideas in meaningful ways to my students this and last week. I came home from a less than fufilling day of work to a dirty house. Through the garage to the laundry room- piles of clothes. Into the kitchen- piles of dishes. Turn to the living room- piles of toys. Bedroom- more piles of clothes. Grrr. I have to get dinner done, play with Faith (who is napping, by the way because of a late trip to her grandma's I knew nothing about), get ready for school tomorrow, workout and get to d-group by 8pm. Ha! I was feeling more than overwhelmed. I feel justified in that being an okay feeling to have. Even Superwoman must feel at times like she wants to get all the dirty laundry, throw it in the dumpster and start over. I mean, I do have some friends that seem like they never tire or are exhausted by those things, but they must drink more caffeine than even me to come off that way.

And what do I do? Get my keys, get in the car, and go get a Diet Dr. Pepper! Whaaaaaa? Ask I'm pulling out of the store I just about lost it. I figuratively, (and literally, ha) was filling my cup with something other than the Lord. When I needed God to put strength in me I rushed to find something tangible to make me feel better. When I needed to find stillness and resolve I made myself busy with passing things. And I still feel overwhelmed.

God, please fill my cup with you. Take away my human nature that yearns for a person or thing to make me feel better. God- my only strength is in you. Lord my cup is empty. Won't you come down and fill me up.

My First Love

Before TJ.

Before chocolate. 

Before Diet Dr. Pepper. 

Before Jesus came into my wittle bitty heart. 

There was football. 

Football was the first thing I loved enough to learn anything about. I watched games when I was little and asked so many questions my parents bought me an official rule book for the NFL for my 10th birthday.  I studied that manual so I would know exactly what each penalty meant and how much it was worth in each situation. Play formations, positions, etc.  I knew more than your average bear.

Then I met TJ.  And he loved football. He WAS football, for heaven's sake.  I wore a t-shirt for the majority of my junior high career that said "Be nice to animals.  Kiss a football player."  with the words "I AM" written in Sharpie at the top.  I spent every Thursday night at Noble High School stadium watching the 7th, 8th, and 9th grade games.  Fridays was reserved for HS ball- we traveled with church friends to each away game- and watching my sister march in the colorguard.  When we got into 9th grade TJ started playing JV and HS ball so he played in 3 games a week- Mondays, Thursdays, and Friday.  During the summer it was traveling to watch him play in summer league, (which is bore-o, snore-o, by the way.) TJ was good- way good.  And is still one of the fastest white boys I know. :)

We were sure TJ would play college ball.  He started getting letters EARLY and it was really exciting.  He blew out his knew our senior year and THAT WAS THE END OF THAT.  It changed our plans fast.  I know that you're thinking "our plans?"  But remember, we knew we would get married early so we had a loose plan of what our lives would look like.  There was no way TJ could have surgery, rehab his knee, and get enough playing time for colleges to invest in him. 

Future plans changed, but there was still football in other ways.  OU was rockin'.  TJ and I had sideline passes to TONS of OU games through an awesome church friend.  We literally got to stand on the sidelines, feet touching the endzone for tons of games.  We took this picture.  I think its one of AD's first touchdown celebrations. My favorite part is the Oregon player walking away in shame.

Then you have MNF.  A tradition at our house.  We settle in each Monday night to cuddle and watch guys hurt each other while Hank Jr. screams at you in sing-song.

I probably wouldn't say "Football is life- the rest is just details,"  but I would say football is one of the major details. 

And Brett Favre's face doesn't hurt either.

Resolution Check - September Style

1. Guests at the house- We have A LOT of our family over for the first OU game.  My sister and my neice came and spent Labor Day weekend with us too!  Faith was so cute with all our family.  She only remembers some of their names so she just calls them whatever one she can remember at the time.  My sister Heather was walking down the hall and Faith was posed in a stance yelling, "She-uh!  Nomie!  Emmy!  Shea!"  If you don't speak Perkins that's "Sheila! Nonnie! Emily! Shea!" 

But by far her favorite is Un John!  She loves that guy- maybe because he dotes over her every minute he's with her.  They're also birthday buddies and have matching eyes!  I SWEAR she belongs to TJ though, she's got his attitude.

2. Guitar- School started.  Enough said. I couldn't even tell you where my guitar is right now.  I think our closet.

3. Weight-  I have great news for all of you who don't care about my weight.  I am losing weight.  So you don't have to hear my whine like a baby anymore about the plight of the chubby girl.  I don't want to reveal my plan just yet, but its working.

4. Blog- Done and done.

5. Camera- trying, but its such a bitty of a camera.

6. Lesson Plans- 4 weeks in and we're still going strong. 

7. Garden- Done and done.

8. Hair- I got roots, man.  No time. 

9. Water- This is part of #3 so I won't beat a dead horse.

10. Decorate the Bedroom- Its as done as its gonna get for now.  I'm going to make a duvet cover sometime.  Maybe over fall break.

Oh, and just in case you've forgotten my child is adorable: