Res Check- November

OK, y'all.  Do you do resolutions?  If not, you should.  It gives you good goals.  And if you make a bunch like me, it's okay to not do them all.

1- More thankful- YES.
2- Healthier- YES.
3- More Organized- Working on it.
4- More Adventurous- See #9.
5- Spending Less- YES.
6- Study Bible- KINDA.
7- Knitting- NOPE.
8- Guitaring - Playing more, not improving.
9- Driving a Standard. So here's where it gets a little hairy.  And scary.  I conned TJ into a date in his hotrod.  Then told him he was going to teach me to drive it.  His version (otherwise known as "the big fat lie") is that he SWEARS he could hear his precious Mustang crying and could smell the clutch burning up. Whatever, man. Whatever.  The truth is that it was super hard to take off and that I could drive it if I needed to now.  I'm confident that I could drive a new standard well, too.  The end result is that we were both so stressed out and sweaty (because of stress and no AC) by the end of the 20 MINUTE LESSON we had to go to a different restaurant because there was no way I was  going to a nice restaurant with pit stains! I wish I would've gotten a picture of me cruising in the car, though.  It would've totally added cool points to this post!  Plus, I got a nice date with TJ out of the deal so I'd call that a win.

I've already started mulling ideas over for 2014.  I know what I want to focus on.  I want to dream big for me and my family!

The Journey to Thanksgiving- 1

Gungor- Beautiful Things

click to link to video and song

It's no secret here that I've been a smidgen hugely negatively-focused in the past.  I've worked really  hard to change that negative mindset and I feel that I've improved in a lot of areas of my life. 
*I've worked hard to see the beauty in everyday.  
*To mentally list how blessed I am and to give God the glory for that as opposed to directing our blessings back to us and our hard work.  
*To Decrease the negative things I put into my life and increasing the good.  
* To use the gifts God's given me instead of continuing to let them shrivel.  
*To change my negative body image and seeing myself as successful and healthy.  
Those things have not been easy and they've taken a lot of uncomfortable introspection. There's nothing quite like looking at yourself and seeing a LONG unchecked to-do list. But over time, I've been able to check some off and move some to the "work in progress" list. 

But the one area where I cannot seem to shake the negativities is in my workplace.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job and I am thankful that working means making a difference in children's future.  But I get bogged down in the "have tos" and the mandates and the non-negotiables.  And I work with 50 women so there's always some sort of gossip I pull myself in to.  Honestly, when I reflect on the days sometimes I'm positively disgusted with myself.  I can see clearly when I chose darkness over light and it makes me frustrated with myself for not choosing the right over the wrong.  I am overtly christian and overtly negative. Which equals overtly hypocritical and annoying, if you're not familiar with that equation. 
But this week I saw a small light at the end of the tunnel.  I was on recess duty with a co-worker and she told me she looked forward to our duty days together.  Then she said--wait for it-- that it was because I always look at the positive and have good things to say. I started laughing (not even making that up) because I thought she was being sarcastic. But. she. wasn't.
Please know this is in NO WAY horn-tooting.  I'm just saying that God can make flowers grow out of cow patties.  I'm living proof.  And I think God is the best at taking our small sacrifices and work and turning it into greater good.  And I'm eternally thankful for his goodness and his willingness to change me.  He's never once looked at me in disgust and told me he's over trying with me.  And He knows I've needed it.  But He just continues to mold me into small likenesses of Him.  He makes beautiful things out of us. 

My Pastor Appreciation Month

This week I've been able to think about how I'm pouring into people's lives and how, quite frankly, that can be hurtful sometimes.  You're giving all you have to people who are inherently just, people.  People who forget to say thankful, people who don't care if you're sacrificing for them.  People who do what people do, not because they're bad or out to get you, but because that's who we are.  We can tend to point the finger at others and lament about how they've hurt us.  But this week as I was thinking all of this, God starting pointing the finger at me.  He started reminding me of the people who poured into my life, despite my humanness.  People who really shaped me, helped me discover my talents and gifts, who encouraged and scolded, even when I was a rotten brat.  Even when I was a hormonal teen. Even when I was just downright rude.  And they never stopped loving me.  Even now.  

David Henson- I could write for months about how he poured his life into mine.  It's such a daunting task I can't even get started.  But I can tell you that for over 20 years he brought God's word to a group of people in such a way that God's presence was tangible in those sanctuaries.  That he gave his Christmas bonus to my family once for Christmas.  He encouraged me at everything I did at that church.  That he was so instrumental in my life that I cannot think of a word that adequately describes the depth of it.  That I still cry every time I see him.  Like once in a thrift store I was sobbing. It was overboard, but my gratefulness for his is overwhelming.   I miss his loafers, jeans, and white-collared shirts on Sunday nights.  I miss his sermons when he would grab someone's face and kiss all over it like the prodigal son's daddy did when he came home. Pastor's Pals on Sunday morning before we had children's church.  I've never met another person that brings the Word like Pastor David.  But the most important thing he taught me was that God wasn't just going to speak through him to me.  That I needed to listen, hear, and understand God for myself.  Knowing that has been one of the greatest pieces of wisdom I was ever taught.  

Kathi Henson- oh my.  I tear up at her name.  She gave so much time and care to a group of girls that was bratty and rude and she never once raised her voice at us.  And we needed it. Many, many times.  She spent hours on Wednesday nights teaching us harmonies and preparing us to teach bible clubs and taking us to Pizza Hut and selling toilet paper as fundraisers. I've never heard one unkind word out of her mouth about another human being.  Her impact on my life has no bounds.  I think about her often as I sing Silas to sleep with the harmonies and songs she taught our girl's group.  How she took us all the way to Kansas to sing for a church and sometimes I think it was just to make us feel special.  That our group- just a bunch of poor country girls- was something special.  

Jeff and Joyce Dover- I bawled ridiculously the night they told us they were leaving.  Like, too much.  

I was the kid that refused to play his dumb games before church. I was THAT kid.  But what God did through Jeff was like catching lightning in a bottle.  Those worship sessions in the (trailer house turned) youth room were open invitations to the Holy Ghost to set up residence in our hearts.  And the Holy Spirit brought hoards of youth to the country and I vividly remember looking around and just being in awe of what was taking place in that room.  

I remember the first time Jeff taught us to sing a new song to the Lord.  I thought he was off his rocker.  Now, it's who I am.  Jeff taught me how to fully worship Jesus.  I will never, ever forget that.  I am FOREVER INDEBTED to the Dovers.  Joyce walked me through hard times as a youth pastor's wife when our church was in turmoil.  They are two of the most influential people in my life. Ever.

Troy and Renee Wright- Troy and Renee came into my life when I was starting to think about the future instead of the here and now.  They immediately made me feel like I was someone of value to them.  For whatever reason, they would ask my advice, give me responsibility, and made me feel like an adult. Even when I showed my immaturity with flying colors.  Troy and Renee are my mentors. I look at their marriage as a Godly example of what marriage should be.  Where Joyce showed me how to have fun, Renee shows me how to be meek and humble.  Renee shows me how to work hard without grumbling or complaining, without anyone needing to see that I'm doing a thing.  They are always there at the exact right time.  Troy is my go-to firefighter when TJ makes a bad call and I don't know how to help.  I know I can expect the truth from them, Godly counsel and not their opinions.  I value them so much that I get giddy when we pass each other on the highway.  When I see them, I see Jesus. 

So thank you for pouring into me when I was a brat.  God is using you mightily to shape me. 

-A