I just came off one of the nicest Spring Break's I can remember. It wasn't that we did anything spectacular. On the contrary, I PURPOSELY put no plans in stone. I learned at Christmas overbooking my family, my child, in particular, is a very bad idea. Long story short, I thought since I was off just 2 weeks we would do "12 Days of Christmas." I made cute envelopes and hung them ever so perfectly in a large frame. Then I drew pictures in each envelope so that Faith would know what we were doing each night. It was fun... until about the 6th night when she was crying, begging us to just stay home!
So this break we just relaxed and did things we thought of that day or I prepared things that Faith has been asking me to do, but I never have time for during the work week. It was glorious! We had the best time and she was extremely well behaved the entire week! And the week didn't fly by. It felt like a regular week with lots of relaxing and fun.
We:
-had lunch with my friend and new mommy to celebrate another friend's birthday. Faith ate with all of us at the table and did an awesome job.
-went to the Omniplex (or if you're fancy Science Museum Oklahoma)
-painted with watercolors and learned she prefers paint you can "atually dip your little brush in, mom."
-made homemade pretzels and ate them for dinner
-made Thundercake one of the very rainy and thundery days. Faith has been waiting through the longest drought in her little life to make it after reading Patricia Pollaco's book with the same title. We learned that tomatoes should NOT be in chocolate cake. Why would anyone do that?!?!
-went camping one night with our church family and it was fu-reezing cold.
-had 2 soccer games
-finished The Girl Who Played with Fire and started The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets Nest.
My favorite night was when we got to go to the circus. Faith has been asking for months when the circus was coming and, thankfully, they have several nights when firefighters and their families get in free! I know I say this at the risk of sounding like an a-hole mom, but sometimes I can get so caught up in training, redirecting, and teaching Faith that I don't enjoy her. I know. I know. It sounds horrible. I feel like my time at home is limited with her since I work and that I can be resentful of the fact that I spend the majority of my time right now "training her up in the way she should go." I read these blogs where mommies write letters to their babies with these minute details and how they love their little quirks and I feel even more guilty that I don't feel that way most of the time. I wonder if I'm just honest enough to say how I feel or if I'm the recipient of the Suckiest-Mom-of-the-Year Award. And I do believe those moms are being real and honest, which makes me even worse than I thought. Most of the time I'm huffing and puffing and asking her over and over to please stop jumping off the couch, please stop splashing your drink, pleast stop blah, blah, blah.
That night at the circus it all melted away. I was just able to enjoy her- enjoy watching her face light up and cheer for the circus acts and wave her light up wand and just. be. Faith. It was one of those moments as a parent that you look at that little face and you seriously feel your heart overflowing your body. I started tearing up, right there in the middle of the monkey act, because 1)I need forgiveness for my bad attitude and 2)God is so good to lavish his love out on us. She is wonderful and perfect for our family.
So who knew all that could come from the Shiner's Circus?!?! Maybe IT is the greatest show on Earth?
Now I just have 44 more days of school before I get to spend a summer with my family. I love my job, but boy, does it make me love my school breaks. 22 5-year-olds can really wear a girl out!
Monday, March 26, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Confessions
1. I have no idea how, but I've cut almost all DDP out of my life. Weird, huh? After more than a year of intentionally trying to pare down, water just tastes better most of the time.
2. Sometimes I think I will lose part of myself if I never sing in front of people again. For some reason, leading, performing, etc, just makes me feel fulfilled and I miss it terribly. I'm sure that makes me some sort of selfish person, but truth is truth.
3. TJ and I have been consistently following Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. You should read the book. Even if you don't follow it to a T, just getting into some of his routines has made our life and financial goals so much more consistent, focused, and aligned with how God wants us to live. Plus, less fighting over money so totally worth it!
4. Faith is taming down a bit. I cut several personal things I was doing so that my time with her after work would be more focused. It has been hard to make those sacrifices, but sometimes we have to cut out what is good to focus on the most important.
5. One of the prongs on my wedding ring is broke and TJ lost his wedding ring so we've been going around without rings for quite a while. Several of my student's parents must think we're on the fritz because the last few thank you notes I've received have been addressed to me and Faith only!
6. Thursday was probably the hardest day of my life. Actually harder than the day I found out I miscarried if you can imagine. I kept it nicely bottled until Faith went to sleep then sobbed until I vomited and sobbed some more. Sometimes life can be a B. TJ was at work (of course!) and I honestly would've paid a guy $500 so he could come home. I'm sure he would've too since I was snarfing on the phone to him forever!
7. My husband is amazing and knows sometimes the only thing that will make me feel better is just to be with him. So you know what he did Friday after #6's Thursday? After spending an entire night up at the fire station he took Faith to school and spent the ENTIRE DAY in my classroom making green eggs and ham for about 125 students.
8. Then he bought me the Pottery Barn bedding I wanted for over a year just to surprise me!
9. Faith has decided that she no long wants to be called "Baby Faith." And rightly so, the girl's three! She kindly asked me to tell my students and to ask them to refer to her as "Big Girl Faith."
10. I love listening to Faith read books to me. She will follow the pictures and make up her own story. She always ends with some off-the-wall ending though. Tonight when she got to the end of each book, she finished the story by saying, "And thats when they knew they finally had the chance." Sounds like a sequel in the making to me!
God is good and I am blessed!
2. Sometimes I think I will lose part of myself if I never sing in front of people again. For some reason, leading, performing, etc, just makes me feel fulfilled and I miss it terribly. I'm sure that makes me some sort of selfish person, but truth is truth.
3. TJ and I have been consistently following Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. You should read the book. Even if you don't follow it to a T, just getting into some of his routines has made our life and financial goals so much more consistent, focused, and aligned with how God wants us to live. Plus, less fighting over money so totally worth it!
4. Faith is taming down a bit. I cut several personal things I was doing so that my time with her after work would be more focused. It has been hard to make those sacrifices, but sometimes we have to cut out what is good to focus on the most important.
5. One of the prongs on my wedding ring is broke and TJ lost his wedding ring so we've been going around without rings for quite a while. Several of my student's parents must think we're on the fritz because the last few thank you notes I've received have been addressed to me and Faith only!
6. Thursday was probably the hardest day of my life. Actually harder than the day I found out I miscarried if you can imagine. I kept it nicely bottled until Faith went to sleep then sobbed until I vomited and sobbed some more. Sometimes life can be a B. TJ was at work (of course!) and I honestly would've paid a guy $500 so he could come home. I'm sure he would've too since I was snarfing on the phone to him forever!
7. My husband is amazing and knows sometimes the only thing that will make me feel better is just to be with him. So you know what he did Friday after #6's Thursday? After spending an entire night up at the fire station he took Faith to school and spent the ENTIRE DAY in my classroom making green eggs and ham for about 125 students.
8. Then he bought me the Pottery Barn bedding I wanted for over a year just to surprise me!
9. Faith has decided that she no long wants to be called "Baby Faith." And rightly so, the girl's three! She kindly asked me to tell my students and to ask them to refer to her as "Big Girl Faith."
10. I love listening to Faith read books to me. She will follow the pictures and make up her own story. She always ends with some off-the-wall ending though. Tonight when she got to the end of each book, she finished the story by saying, "And thats when they knew they finally had the chance." Sounds like a sequel in the making to me!
God is good and I am blessed!
Sunday, February 5, 2012
From the Trenches
We are in the big middle of something I'm terming "Three-acaust." Just use your imagination and you can probably decipher what our household is like. I know everyone, adults included, go through slumps, funks, and bad moods, but it's just so much harder when you're responsible for the little human that is going through it. I want to wave my magic mommy wand and reverse all this- less stress, less consequences, more enjoying family time, more cuddling. Everything I try goes up in smoke.
Case in point, she would NOT clean her playroom. I had tried everything so finally I just said, okay, we're going to get rid of these if we're not going to keep them clean. I calmly got a trash bag and started filling it with her FAVORITE things that littered the floor. Any child would get wide-eyed and start cleaning, right? Not mine, she started picking up items, giving them a hard look over, and then would tell me those could go in the trash too.
I know life is more that following rules and being a "good kid" and I want her to be herself, be an independent thinker, and follow her convictions, but I want her to do those things AND obey. I think God expects me to teach both as a parent and the balance of the two worlds. I just don't know how to teach that to a three-year-old.
The truth of it is this- she is so kind and sweet and loving about 80% of the time and the other 20% she's testing the boundaries like all three year olds do. But I feel like when you factor in the time that I'm away from her while I'm at work and that the 20% usually happens in the evening, I'm beginning to take it personally. I know I shouldn't, but I think any mom would agree that's just how we are. She even told my mom that she hits people because she misses me. Who knows if that's true or if she's just crafty enough to think to say that. Either way, mommy guilt has taken up residence in this war as well. I'm on the verge of crying all the time thinking I CAUSED THIS because I teach other people's children while my mom stays with mine during the day.
I just have to remember- human nature is sinful. We are all born with something in us that is broken and in need of repair. Whether you're 3 or 30, every person tests the boundaries, steps on and/or over the line just for the fun of it. And we all have it in us to choose. I want to force her to choose the right, but I can't. She has to make that decision. And I HATE that right now.
This post has obviously turned out to be a brain/heart dump. I have no grand conclusions to make us moms feel better. If I did, this post would have been titled "Out of the Trenches."
And just so I don't end on a bad note or leave you guys thinking our house is just miserable, here is what happens 80% of the time:
-Faith and I were eating dinner at a restaurant one night when TJ was at work. As we were leaving, I commented on the sunset and how beautiful it was. It was also pink and purple, Faith's favorite colors, so we started talking about how God is just so good that he made the sunset her favorite colors. She just kept saying dramatically, "Mom, God is just the goodest! He's just so good! He is just the goodest!" I agreed then turned around to buckle her in her carseat. As serious as she could be she looked at me and said, "Moma, at night God comes in my room and whispers He loves me in my ear."
And I absolutely, positively believe her.
Case in point, she would NOT clean her playroom. I had tried everything so finally I just said, okay, we're going to get rid of these if we're not going to keep them clean. I calmly got a trash bag and started filling it with her FAVORITE things that littered the floor. Any child would get wide-eyed and start cleaning, right? Not mine, she started picking up items, giving them a hard look over, and then would tell me those could go in the trash too.
I know life is more that following rules and being a "good kid" and I want her to be herself, be an independent thinker, and follow her convictions, but I want her to do those things AND obey. I think God expects me to teach both as a parent and the balance of the two worlds. I just don't know how to teach that to a three-year-old.
The truth of it is this- she is so kind and sweet and loving about 80% of the time and the other 20% she's testing the boundaries like all three year olds do. But I feel like when you factor in the time that I'm away from her while I'm at work and that the 20% usually happens in the evening, I'm beginning to take it personally. I know I shouldn't, but I think any mom would agree that's just how we are. She even told my mom that she hits people because she misses me. Who knows if that's true or if she's just crafty enough to think to say that. Either way, mommy guilt has taken up residence in this war as well. I'm on the verge of crying all the time thinking I CAUSED THIS because I teach other people's children while my mom stays with mine during the day.
I just have to remember- human nature is sinful. We are all born with something in us that is broken and in need of repair. Whether you're 3 or 30, every person tests the boundaries, steps on and/or over the line just for the fun of it. And we all have it in us to choose. I want to force her to choose the right, but I can't. She has to make that decision. And I HATE that right now.
This post has obviously turned out to be a brain/heart dump. I have no grand conclusions to make us moms feel better. If I did, this post would have been titled "Out of the Trenches."
And just so I don't end on a bad note or leave you guys thinking our house is just miserable, here is what happens 80% of the time:
-Faith and I were eating dinner at a restaurant one night when TJ was at work. As we were leaving, I commented on the sunset and how beautiful it was. It was also pink and purple, Faith's favorite colors, so we started talking about how God is just so good that he made the sunset her favorite colors. She just kept saying dramatically, "Mom, God is just the goodest! He's just so good! He is just the goodest!" I agreed then turned around to buckle her in her carseat. As serious as she could be she looked at me and said, "Moma, at night God comes in my room and whispers He loves me in my ear."
And I absolutely, positively believe her.
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